Oh grandma

The breakfast after thanksgiving was quite fun. We were discussing the recent rapes at Sac State and how my sorority was given rape whistles with lights on them.


Dad: Couldn't they sue you for shinning a light in their eye or for blowing their ear drums out
Me: Oh, well... I guess so, but i'd much rather be sued than raped.
Gma: (Without missing a beat) Not me.

Phone Conversations

"I like watching football. One team runs one way down the field trying to kick the other teams ass while the other team is trying to kick their ass. It's my favorite sport to watch"

"There's a kitty at the shelter that has no teeth. I was petting it today and I told it that no one was going to love it and take it home with them. I should have just taken it across the street and given it the needle. I don't think they would have wanted me to come back though, if I did that."

Voicemail 10/26/10

AH! I can't believe how long it's been since i've updated my blog! ! ! !


Got a Voicemail from grandma today.

"Sandi. If you don't watch Glee tonight, you wont get any Christmas presents."

and that was it.

there have been some other good ones over the last two months that I've been meaning to post, but can't remember at the top of my head.

Kitty prayer time

I was walking down the hallway in my grandparent's house the other day and my cat stopped at my feet so kneeled down and picked him up while i was still on my knees my grandma came up behind me and started to pet Remy (my cat) My grandpa walked down the hall and noticed this odd scene and asked what we were doing. My grandma's response? "We're having Kitty Prayer Time. Now it's time for kitty sacrifice" As she takes an invisible stake to my cat's throat.

Today in the car.

Sandi: So, Grandma, do you remember that twitter blog I used to read to you about the dad?
Gma: The old dad and the young guy?
Sandi: Yeah that one. Did you hear they're making a TV show about it starring William Shatner?
Gma: When am I going to be famous?




*To the guy jogging with no shirt on (But from inside the car so only I could hear her)*
Gma: Pull down your pants! I wanna see your tush.

During dinner with Josh

Josh: So does Adam have any hobbies?
Me: Eh, not really. He used to play WOW.
Gma: (after about a minute of silence) Don't forget about his ballet lessons
Josh: Shit, are you serious??
Me: No, Josh, She's not.
Gma: (laughing so hard she cries)


-------------------


and on the way home:

Gma: (talking about wanting to get me a passport) ...and I'm scared because of your birth certificate.
Josh: Why?
Me: It doesn't have my first or middle name on it.
Josh: Oh, were they going to try to sell you or something?
Me: Yeah, but it turned out I have a face only a mother could love and she didn't even want me.
Gma: (dies laughing)

Martha Stewart Madness!

Martha: (Making a flower thing) Now back the bulbs in tight.
Gma: Oh, Martha. You haven't had anything tight in years.

CHANGE UP! Convo with Grandpa Leland

Gpa: Hello there.
Sandi: Hi Grandpa, what are you up to?
Gpa: Oh, just sitting here with your cousin.
Sandi: Oh, Nicole is over?
Gpa: Yeah.
Sandi: Is Grandma around?
Gpa: Yeah, she's sitting on the chair with the cat on her lap.
Sandi: The cat is on her lap?
Gpa: Yeah, the cat is on her lap. You know, that could be turned into a song. Like that one "Pants on the Ground"
Sandi: I'll work on that Grandpa.

Reaction to me getting into my class.

Sandi: So, I got into my Criminal Justice class.
Gma: Good job you little shit ass. you little fucker. good job.
Sandi: Oh, grandma, what would I do without you in my life.
Gma: So does that mean you can arrest your grandfather and me now?
Sandi: yup
Gma: Then I probably should stop talking to you like that or you'll call CPS on me.
Sandi: Probably.